one might say we're banned from that church
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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