So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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