he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dick very happy bro
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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