i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
