HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
