there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
