You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
