Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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