i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
