It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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