Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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