So drunk its hurt
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
