She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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