We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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