so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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