Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
