I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
