Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
