billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
