I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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