I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
