i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
