i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
