I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
