Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
