apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
