apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There r osticjed everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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