I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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