You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
