Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hippo gnu deer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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