the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
