oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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