Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
