am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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