There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I FOUND THE LEGS
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