so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
