Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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