Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
