i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
