I CAN MOONWALK!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
