there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
