Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
