whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
