You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
