I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
