Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
