i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
