time to smoke my breakfast
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
