he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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