Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
