I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
