It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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