If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
