so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
