I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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