I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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