I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh god it's open bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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