i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
