You're my little dorito
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
