Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
