Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
