I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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