You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
