Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
