how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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