I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You pole danced in your parka.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
