I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
