then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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