One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize