I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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