Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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